Life is Difficult! Note that I capitalized Difficult. There's a reason for that and it's generally because the problems you face can be quite recalcitrant. If you've read many of my previous posts, you might remember that I seem to be pretty stuck on personal responsibility. I'd like to explore some of the reasons for that in this post.
I've noticed in my time here that events seemingly conspire to continually stretch your comfort level. Whether it's the constant pressure to succeed or to be liked, to convince people to work with you or to negotiate a difficult sale, there's almost always an element of surprise--something that you haven't faced before. That little something poses a challenge and whether you meet it successfully or fail at overcoming it, it provides an opportunity for personal growth. That is, you'll grow as long as you take responsibility for the success or failure.
Failing to accept responsibility is one path that will ensure that your personal abilities don't expand. After all, why should you change if the results you're getting are the fault of someone else? If you view yourself as already perfect (and everyone's ego has exactly that tendency, you'll just develop better ways of blaming others for your failures and you won't learn from them as you should.
The road to success is rocky and it's necessary to use personal discipline in order to make the journey. There are several aspects to discipline which are all elements of what I'll call "adult behavior." These include sacrificing present comfort for future gains, acceptance of responsibility, a strong dedication to honesty in your language, your outlook, and your actions, and the ability to prioritize miscellaneous, conflicting requirements. Developing these tools is critical and as we go through this world, we're quite likely to realize that suffering through problems is the primary way that we develop.
There are people who fail to learn one or more aspects of discipline. Being in real estate is one great way to ensure that you have the opportunity to meet and interact with this type of person. Of course, you'll also inevitably meet and interact with them if you're not in real estate, but you can often just distance yourself from them. A Realtor who is set on making a living cannot afford this luxury. If you're dedicated to helping people in your real estate career, you're more apt to recognize that the person who has failed to learn has some problem which makes the transaction difficult or impossible.
I'm not saying that you can't help such a person. We do it all of the time, but most experienced agents I'm familiar with have developed a fine sense that allows them to recognize that some people will be more of a problem to assist than others. This type of person seems to me to be mostly self-absorbed and driven by something that you might call self-pity. What I mean is that they are consistently self-deceiving so that they can maintain their self image. They will not hesitate to lie to others in order to maintain their ego's image of self-perfection. They may engage in egregious behavior towards others, since, in their mind, they are the only ones who actually count as as "person." They believe that other people are simply objects to manipulate. Love is something that they reserve for themselves.
On the other hand, love as demonstrated by those people who don't focus on themselves is an investment in another person's well-being and development which leads to personal and spiritual growth. It begins with physical attraction and matures into a deep caring for the other person's well-being. The development of the ability to feel this way is part of the lesson of life. It's part of the reason why we're here on this Earth at this moment.
My hope for you is that you prosper and develop in the year that is ahead of us. It's certain that we're going to meet many difficult problems and the only way to make sure that we overcome them is to accept self-responsibility. The more people who do, the better our community, country and world will be.
Namaste!
Personal responsiblity is huge for me too. But,. I've gotta say that my theory about it is that it generally comes from how you were raised, and (apparently) not everyone's parents were big on personal responsiblity.
I am huge on personal responsibility... my problem? I take on more than my share. It's a learning process for sure.
Melissa - good point. I didn't mention where it comes from, just that it's really necessary to accept it. Even if your parents weren't big on it, you can still learn from your results in life, but avoiding it will guarantee that you don't learn. Thanks for the comment!
Lindsey - you've got a very common problem - while it's good to be responsible, taking on responsibility for things and events for which others should be responsible is not good for you or for them. You get overloaded and they are denied the lesson they might learn from their own attempt to accept or avoid responsibility. I suffer this way also, so I'm sympathetic. Thanks for the response!